


imsorryjane/rant/badmother.doc

by NervousOtaku



Category: Original Work
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Real Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 12:40:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10465257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NervousOtaku/pseuds/NervousOtaku
Summary: This is a piece I wrote two months ago when my cat died. I was very fond of her— she was eleven years old, seven years younger than me. I was very torn up when she died, and was very angry at myself. I'm much better now, and figured I'd post this here.





	

I remember your first word.  
It was your first, last, and only word, a child's pathetic cry—  
 ** _“ M O M M Y ! ”_**

A year later, you accepted me as your new mother, even though it was my mom caring for you. I loved you, and even now, I like to think I was always your favorite.  
You were always there for me. You hated being hugged, and yet when I rejected all human contact, you would let me crush your fur against my cheek. In return, I tried my best to always be there for you. I admittedly wasn't the greatest at it, but you must've decided I was good enough, since it was always my bed you slept in.

  
I remember when we lost Miss Orchid, your big sister. It was from the infected bug-bites. We almost lost you not long after, but we got you to the vet on time. I remember how you became depressed. You began living in the litter-box. We rarely saw you, and when we did, you were haggard and mean. But I understand. You were upset.  
But I also remember staying up well past my bed-time, sitting on the porch next to your box, and talking. I told you it would all be okay. I said that you were strong, that you could pull through. I told you not to worry.  
 ** _I SAID I WOULD BE THERE WHEN YOU DIED._**

 

  
If I had known, I would have come home.  
If I had known you were in pain, I would have done something.  
 ** _BUT YOU WEREN'T IN PAIN, WERE YOU?_**

 

 

 

You _knew_.  
You knew you were dying and you didn't run. You weren't scared. You didn't hide in the potato-bucket like you did as a kitten. You didn't leave. You stayed with everyone. You waited.

 

 

  
**_WHAT WERE YOU WAITING FOR?  
WERE YOU WAITING FOR ME?_ **

 

 

 

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you.  
I'm so proud of you— _such a brave girl._  
Please come back soon.  
 _Mommy still loves you, baby._

 

 

 

 

 

**I ' M S O S O R R Y . . .**


End file.
